At this point I’m seriously questioning whether I should even try to do any PBEM/forum roleplay anymore.

Given the facts, the last time I wrote a post was somewhere in January, and in about a year I posted less than 20 times in all my accumulative rpgs (not that there are that many really) making is not even 2 posts a month, maybe I should just let go.

One rpg I haven’t even posted in at all and I signed up at the end of December….it makes me feel terrible.

I’ve been wondering for a while what it is. Why haven’t I been writing, and truth be told I have hardly been writing for 1.5 years now.

Yes I’ve been busy, aren’t we all? Some are busy but still manage to write. Is it just a question of commitment?
But when I truly think ‘I should just quit’ I swing into a full-fledged rebellion. I don’t want to quit completely because I love these characters and the rpgs and folk that wander there, and yet I can’t manage to keep in the story either. I’m afraid to jump in because I know I’ll most likely be gone again in a few weeks when things get tough and I need to concentrate all my energy on my priorities.

So what is it? I realized it’s just a ban I put there for myself. As long as I’m not done with college, I can’t write and feel good about it and I can’t put in that extra effort I would otherwise. As a matter of fact I feel so bad writing it tends to be exhausting.
I did write for a personal story last week or so. And it took me a lot of effort not to feel too bad about it, but I still did. I feel like I have to defend and explain everything I do for fun.
It’s the same thing with gaming. Some people seem to have the idea I game all the time while I most definitely don’t. In the past 6 months or so I have played 3 games. Of which I completed one (but sometimes with about 3 weeks between the last gaming session and 3 hours in a row tops) and two others which I only played for a few hours, not counting the DS, I must admit, which I spend some time on during train-rides and after hours when I’m already in bed or the occasional Sunday at mom’s, but half of the time I play educational games on it anyway so that doesn’t really count ^_~

Well my thesis is almost done, finally, but then I’ll be gone for a good while, or rather, that’s the plan, though financially, that’s not coming together either, and then there’ll be moving to a new home (well that’s a big maybe, but it still gives me tension) and finding a job (D: ! ) and pulling my hair over finances anew no doubt. So basically, won’t that cycle just start all over again?

*sigh*

I’m really a bit at a loss here.